Pajamas Media: Man's Best Friend's Guide to the 2008 Presidential Race

November 20, 2007 1:00 AM

Tired of Wolf Blitzer, Keith Olbermann and the rest of those human pundits? Pajamas Media is proud to introduce Boris the Labradoodle - the first, as far as we know, dog pundit. Boris will henceforth be following the Presidential Race for us from his unique perspective.

By Boris the Labradoodle

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that dogs have opinions about who’s gonnna be the next person living in the White House. And humans should listen to us. We aren’t called man’s best friend for nothing. We look out for our peeps because we love you. We are devoted to you. We are loyal. And you feed us. Even you cat people, and allergic people, we love you too. We can’t help it. It’s in our DNA.

See, we’ve been in this crazy world together for thousands of years, and dogs know that what’s good for you is usually good for us. Just look at America, for starters. We can all agree it’s got its problems, even if we disagree about what they are and how to fix them. But overall, from where I stand (kind of low down, but I don’t miss a scent), democracy definitely has a leg up (and I don’t use that expression lightly) over the other forms of government people have tried. Let me put it bluntly, dogs (and cats, who will be angry at me for speaking for them and angry at me if I ignore them… aagghhh, don’t get me started on that twisted, co-dependent passive-aggressive relationship) have never had it so good as we do here and now.

Could it be better? Sure. Personally, I’d like a spot on the big bed and an unlimited supply of Greenies. More importantly (actually, to me, there is nothing more important, but that’s because I live in the moment) are there dogs suffering, abandoned, abused, even put to death in America? Tragically, yes. But there’s also awareness, activism and progress. I’m optimistic about our future. Which is another great thing about us dogs and why you need us around and should listen to us… okay, to me. Unless there are other dog pundits covering the election, in which case, can I have a Greenie and call it a day? Sorry, I get lazy sometimes. I’m a dog!

Look, everyone knows politics is a dirty business and covering politics may be dirtier still. I say, bring it on, because I, Boris the Labradoodle, am a connoisseur of dirt! Over the course of this presidential race, I’m going to be sticking my nose where humans squeamishly fear to go and telling you what I smell. As a dog, partisan politics is incomprehensible to me. And in case you’re wondering what party my humans belong to, because that might influence my opinions, the truth is I have no idea. Neither do they. The whole thing gives them a headache or bores them, so they don’t pay attention. Which is why I have to. I didn’t ask for this job, but I will perform it with relish, because, as I know you know, that’s the beauty of us dogs!

PS. In case you’re wondering, I’m not Russian born, Russian Wolfhound, or living with Russian humans. So why am I called Boris? If someone gave you a Greenie every time you answered to that name, I bet you’d be Boris too. Anyway, it’s a very nice name and I love it when I’m called!

Boris the Labradoodle is a seven-year old Labrador Retriever and poodle mix. He is single and childess.

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Comments (14)

Wellspring :

You're barking up the wrong tree with this idea. Not the first dog pundit by a long shot.

Cosmo the Wonderdog has been posting articles for his pet human, Jonah Goldberg at the National Review, for years. His interview with Kim Jong Il is particularly troubling.

Sorry to dog you on this one. I'm a fan of PJM and NRO, so I don't have a dog in this fight.

Just wanted to let you know.

Nov 20, 2007 06:50 AM

HerrMorgenholz :

Don't know that I can trust Boris's pontifications. Seems he'd be a bit too close to Wolf, if ya know what I mean....

Nov 20, 2007 07:49 AM

Boris the Labradoodle :

My internet access is somewhat restricted, Wellspring, so I had no idea another patriotic dog had marked this trail before me. Did you know that he is part Labrador too! Just because we're exceptionally good natured, we're too often underestimated in the brains department. If Cosmo is reading this, let's get together, bro'. My dog park or yours. I could use the stimulating conversation.

Nov 20, 2007 07:51 AM

Rubicon :

An idea fit to be kenneled permanently.

Nov 20, 2007 08:02 AM

Scottish Terrier and Dog News :

The Scottish Terrier and Dog News is the leading journal for getting the dog angle on stories.

It unveiled photos of Vladimir Putin's hidden poodle and is now trying to find out what has become of the Pekingese dogs Musharraf once flaunted.

And needless, to say we also deal with American politics when called upon. We dealt with the whole sorry Romney affair and we plan to cover the current campaign doggedly.

Nov 20, 2007 08:12 AM

David Thomson :

The world is truly going to the dogs. Boris definitely has more to say than either Andrew Sullivan or Paul Krugman. I also hope he pees on the shoes of all the Democratic Party candidates and Republican Ron Paul.

Nov 20, 2007 08:14 AM

Boris the Labradoodle :

There's a Scottish Terrier and Dog News? Who knew? God, I love the internet. Can I get a subscription?

Nov 20, 2007 08:20 AM

Dryfuss :

Right on. finally a breath of dogmanity is in print
and all who read this let it be known, I dryfuss am a rescued greyhound speaking through the leader of my pack, a human mother. This should be an interesting run tracking down all the political games being played. look forward to Tuesday's and your comments Boris. Great first run... Regarding the other dogs being posted, this means we are gaining strength in being heard hopefully around the world, am sure there is room for you Boris and hope you keep going, remember "STRENGTH IN NUMBERS".

Nov 20, 2007 08:30 AM

Scottish Terrier and Dog News :

Boris, Boris, Boris, you haven't heard of the Scottie News?

Get to work, boy. NPR reported that we caused "a minor stir" in Russia when we revealed little known pictures of notorious Scottie disser Vladimir Putin with a poodle. Foreign policy magazine calls us" the authoritative source for news on Scotties and other canine-related matters."

What's more, we have recently launched the
Daily Dachshund and Dog News to do for Doxies what we've achieved for Scotties.

And maybe soon Boris, we'll even have a Labradoodle News.

Nov 20, 2007 09:33 AM

BMoon :

Sticking his nose where humans won't go- I'd hate to be this reporter. That nose is going to suffer. Don't like to think I inspired it either...

Nov 20, 2007 11:19 AM

Laika's Last Woof :

LOL, Laika's my dog's name too.

"Laika's Last Woof" is tribute and epitaph to the more famous pooch, however. I won't be blasting mine into space any time soon.

Nov 20, 2007 12:09 PM

BMoon :

The link to the above comment:

[pajamasmedia.com/2007/06/how_muc...]

Nov 20, 2007 12:24 PM

Jeff :

What rubicon said!

Nov 21, 2007 12:06 AM

C. Siegel :

Hey, why not Boris as CANDIDATE? He's part Laborador, which means he's stable, tolerant, and posessed of a sterling character; he's part poodle, which means he's intelligent, alert, and what's more, agile.

If nominated, Boris will run, and maybe even sit on the sofa.

Nov 26, 2007 12:17 AM

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Comments (14)

Wellspring :

HerrMorgenholz :

Boris the Labradoodle :

Rubicon :

Scottish Terrier and Dog News :

David Thomson :

Boris the Labradoodle :

Dryfuss :

Scottish Terrier and Dog News :

BMoon :

Laika's Last Woof :

BMoon :

Jeff :

C. Siegel :

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